Am I acceptable in today’s society?

So here I am, 25 years old, a new mom to a 4 month old baby girl and in my 3rd monogamous year with my boyfriend who I will call Harris for anonymity. Harris and I met online almost 3 years ago exactly and we’ve had an almost perfect relationship. He’s tall, attractive, extremely loving and generous, a great father and he makes me happy. Sounds great right? Well almost. The problem? Our sex life. I am a very sexual person, always have been. No I wasn’t molested as a child and no I don’t use sex in an unhealthy way. I don’t cheat, I’ve been clean and careful my whole sex life, etc. I just love sex. For one thing sex is amazing for me, I’m VERY lucky in my ability to have multiple, intense orgasms EVERY time I have sex, and that’s with just plain intercourse, no toys or oral involved. Secondly, sex is how I like to show my love and affection to my partner, it is how I like to keep us connected and happy. But wouldn’t you know it? I happen to be in a serious, committed relationship with one of the rarest men out there- the kind who is perfectly happy with sex a few times a month and who isn’t interested in anything other than traditional sex. No toys, nothing tasty, no oral, just plain sex. Foreplay involves kissing and touching, nothing other than that. We have fought about this for 2.5 years solid. He keeps telling me that the sex we have is great so we don’t need to change anything or try anything new. It’s as if he’s not really listening. I love oral sex, giving AND receiving, he just receives so I stopped doing it. To me, oral is a 2 way street. I’m not sure if he had a bad experience or what but I’m his partner for life, I’m very hygienic and it’s OUR sex life, not HIS sex life or MY sex life right? It’s not like I’m asking him to let me pee on him or lick my asshole (which some people do!). It’s been 2.5 years of me begging, pleading, threatening, etc to change our sex life. More often and more variety and I would be a happy girl. Is that really too much to ask? I understand that the longer you’re in a relationship and after you have kids the frequency will drop, I get it. But 2-4 times a month? When we’re in our 20s? I don’t think that’s normal; is it? I don’t want a different partner, I love him. But I’m not happy. What would you do?


3 thoughts on “Am I acceptable in today’s society?

  1. Lately, my girlfriends and I have been having almost the same conversations. What happened to men? We are in our mid twenties, and for some reason, we were unsatisfied and the men ”had headaches at night”. It’s really hard to feel rejected, and it sure doesn’t help the self estime! I hope you figure it out for your sake ! Good luck 🙂

    • I know! It’s like roles are reversing in society. Strange. So I finally got him to talk to me a little about this and he said he believes that if we have sex frequently he worries it would get boring and routine. Good point, makes sense but I still want it more often.

      • I disagree with him. I think the more sex you have, the more you want and the more you get comfortable with a person, the more you get out of the box and try new things! It’s a process, but it can be great. I hope that he changes his mind 🙂 Maybe he could make a list of what he likes so you can work with it?

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